My world as you see it;

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Today is agruably the saddest day of my life. But let me recall on the class outing first.

Yesterday bbq at ECP was good. Had some quiet time for myself. It was really hot when we reached there at first. But as the sun starts to set, it became cooler. I sat at the bank the whole time, enjoying the sea breeze and the sound of the waves. The sky was clear with some beautiful clouds. It was really realxing. It's been a long time since I had this kind of experience. Sat there until there was totally no sunlight, then went back to the pit for some food. Before going home, went to the bank again. It was totally different but equally if not more enjoyable. Totally dark. Very cooling. The sky was littered with stars. Then there was the occasional airplanes flying by, and their lights blinking. And the lights from the ships at the horizon were like beautiful lanterns floating around. But all good things must come to an end, had to go home soon after. Definitely gona try it again when I go to ECP again.

Now the misery. I finally gave in to my dad and agreed to quit rugby. I don't want to keep fighting with my parents anymore. And it's for the sake of the team also. If I don't quit, he'll go to the teachers and the principal and start creating a storm. It'll blow up the matter and ruin the team. I don't want that. Totally miserable the whole day. Played games but didn't seem to help much. There's this sinking feeling all the time. I feel like I've let down the team. People around me are expecting me to contribute, but now I'm gona quit on them. The team now has barely enough people for a team and here I am making matters worse. And then there's the testimonial.

I'm really sorry lucas and javier. Please train hard for me brothers. Don't follow me and quit on the team too. It'll only make matters worse. I'll be with you guys mentally even though I will not be present during training. I never regretted joining rugby. The seniors made me feel welcomed and the team is a bunch of fun people. Everyday I looked forward to the coming training. Those were the times when I really felt free.

Well, gona return the shutter keys to sheng da tomorrow and somehow break the news to him. I hope I don't break down. Telling him the news already feels like a death sentence to me. I don't know how I'm gona survive the rest of the years, where wherever I look there will be a disappointed face in return. I'm too ashame to face them. I deserve to be condemn.

Time to go to sleep but I doubt I will. I'll just have to cry myself to sleep. Last One Cheer for old times sake. Train hard and bring glory guys. COUGARS!!! ROAR!!! COUGARS!!! ROAR!!! COUGARS!!! ROAR!!!

my second voice
- 11:52 PM