Been a while since I last wrote, busy studying for prelim. I've been saving up quite a bit now. I would say I'm no longer in financial deficit. Actually, due to the deficit I've gotten rid of my craving for eclipse. Ever since I had to pay off for my jersery and going buffet and stuffs with the guys, I tightened my spendings and stopped buying eclipse. It's been so long since I bought one. Maybe at least 3-4 months already and I'm no longer crazy about them. Also, I picked up saving habits. Now at the end of the night, I'll just throw whatever coins left in my wallet for the day into my saving pouch. I also make a 'compulsory' saving of $10 every week. Doing all this make me feel like a little kid again. But it's kind of rewarding I guess, when u see your savings slowly add up, knowing that you're getting richer ^^. Always thought having a bit of savings for myself is always good to prepare for situations, like u need money for emergency or your friend needs to borrow urgently or even to satisfy the sudden shopping compulses. Always good to have some spare cash. For studying for prelim and saving up to recover my financial balance, I'm going to reward myself and buy a cap that I've always wanted after prelim ^^.
Speaking for cash, was talking with tab the other day and we chatted about richness. I guess in a sense girls have it easier than guys. If they're lucky enough, they might be able to charm their way to a rich husband and struck gold and live an easy life. But hence the term gold digger. I never want to have one in my life. For guys, you'll probably have to work your ass off to be financially secure and with girls being so materialistic these days, it's hard to find a soulmate. Come to think of it, I've always suspected that Kai Si cheated on Woon Shin and got together with Xian Wen maybe partly because Xian Wen is rich so might enjoy better being with him. I don't know...it all seem wrong to me. First of all, you should never cheat, what more on your brother. Second, it just make a very bad impression on both parties. My mom always says this, you live with your pride not with your live. Anyway back to the main topic, tab was saying what her dream house will look like and stuff. I never really thought of a dream house. Hmm...maybe a house by the beach with the front view of the sea would be nice. But I think the people living in that house is more important. The people, basically your family, is what makes the house into a home. Even if you were to live in your dream house and yet when u come back from work and the thing that greets you are just walls, well I think that's just sad. Don't care about the house, all I ask is a nice family, a couple of good kids, hopefully one is a boy, and a good wife, that's all I want. But with my current 'Casanova' skills, I doubt I'll ever be able to : /
That stupid auntie still won't crack. I kept trying to squeeze something out but she just won't slip up. I feel like giving it a rest already. But it just irks me to the core when I know there something that I don't know and yet I can't find out.
28/8
So bored of studying. I guess as the exam drags on, I find it hard to keep the momentum. It's really a pain in the ass when you've to revise all over again to prepare another part of the paper. Somemore the last papers are usually p1 and it makes you want to slack even more. This is going to be a bored entry so I'm just gonna put down whatever comes to my mind. Hmm...where to start. Well, since young I've always had sinus problem. My dad took me to see a specialist once. Doc said my nose tend to be partially block often, like one air passage will be blocked, not necessarily because of mucus, like the tissue flap inside will just cover up a bit. Not serious in any way. At first it used to bother me sometimes, like maybe a placebo effect where I feel that I can't breathe fully. But I think now I'm used to already, don't even notice it at all. But I do have sensitive nose, I can't stand dust. Whenever I tried to clear old dusty stuff, never fail to sneeze. And I realize if I don't get enough sleep the day before, most likely I'll be sneezing the next day. How serious will depend on how much sleep I lack. I really hate it, u know when u feel like shit after you nose keep running like an open tap. I'll be totally screwed if that happened during a level. Speaking of sneezing, I remember a couple of weeks ago that poopy face said maybe I should use a pad to absorb my mucus -.- that girl is always full of mischievous ideas. Then something came in to my mind regarding how to wipe mucus but I didn't tell her cuz my feline senses told me death awaits. I think it was in my seconday school when my friend suggested something since he saw me keep rubbing my nose to wipe mucus. He said maybe I should use a tampon. At first I didn't know what it was so I asked him. He said it's something like pad but it's like a small rod, so I can just stuff it inside my nose. That time all the weird and wild imaginations ran through my mind, but I kept it to myself and didn't ask any further. Ok poop face, I bet you're probably laughing off your tua kacheng right now. I'm really stumped on what's the difference between pad and tampon, seems like pad is a more favourite choice. So after you've read this maybe u can enlighten me? I can't bring myself to ask u personally because it's too embarrassing and it'll probably cost me all of my remaining lives. And don't start with your pervy ideas, it's purely for the sake of knowledge. Anyway, back to the point. I think exercise helps my sinus. When I started playing rugby at the start of the year last year, the problems went away. Maybe because I'm eating and sleeping well. I remembered then I was about 72-74kg. I was aiming to hit 80kg, so I kept stuffing myself. Every break I'll try to eat. Then usually at the end of training days, when I go to bed, as soon as I hit the pillow I would just knocked out. But one really weird thing was that I started to have cramps in the middle of the night!! I would like just wake up then a few seconds later the cramps followed. It's usually my right calf. I have no idea how u can have cramps when you're asleep, when your legs are inactive. Hmm cramps...err periods. Pity girls have to endure the pain every month. Glad I'm a guy, don't have to go through all these troublesome things. Stomach aches are already hard to bear, I think cramps are not much better seeing the girls often complain about it. And speaking of which, I read somewhere that there is such a thing called male menopause but not technically so to speak. Basically for guys after their 30s, our hormone level start to decrease by 1% each year. And by the time u hit 50s, you'll have less muscle bulk and more fats. Lower sex drive and energy. So in a way you'll start to feel differently about yourself because of the gradual decrease in hormone level. Anyway, hai...I find myself weak now. My weight dropped to about 65kg. Now I feel like I have no impact. Last time when I tackle, it was hit then straightaway down. Soild contact. Now I feel like I'm bouncing around. Always ends up using my forearm strength to pull the person down, or gets deflected so end up holding onto the leg like some dog. But now with the prelim and a level comling, I guess I'll be quite inactive so probably will gain a bit of weight, which is good in away I guess. Then after exams I can fully concentrate on toning my body and turn the accumulated fats into muscle.
29/8
Found out something yesterday. Shengda and Germaine broke up. He was telling how it all happened. The trigger was that when they were out together, he found out she was msging some guy. Then he asked her who u msging. Her reply was so natural like, oh just a girl friend from secondary school, or sth like that. Well the point is she lied through her teeth. But Shengda said things were already building up for some time. Firstly, she knowingly hangs out with guys who like her, even though he already made it clear to her that he wanted the line drawn. On the other hand, according to him, there were some girls who showed interest in him. But he did not care about them and ignored them, stayed devoted to her only. Secondly, he said her pmses were pretty bad. Her mood swings can get really extreme. Like she'll just be cold or give attitude when they went out together. And she needs to be treated like a queen. Well, that's what he said. Well I think truthfulness is very important, especially in a relationship. I guess what he said is right, if now she could already lie to u just like that, next time u won't know whether which ones that she says are lies and which ones are not. Trust is very fragile, it's like a piece of paper. After you've crushed it, no matter how hard u to try to straighten it out, there'll still be creases left. Then he was complaining why he can't have a nice girl without so much trouble one. Well, it didn't work out for him because he kenw that partly he became sian of the relationship. It's like the honeymoon period was over and things start to become mundane, most probably in trying to please her I guess. Then he dug up my past again and asked about me and kf. I said nothing lor, now we don't even talk now. Then he started to lecture me. He said it didn't work out for me because I no balls. I wasn't assertive, like don't dare to hold her hand or send her home. Well, I wouldn't say it's wrong. I knew that it didn't work out because of me. She expected someone more initiative and daring I guess. But on my defence I think it's too fast and I'm afraid that she might think it's too fast too, somemore it was my first time. This kind of thing is really hard for me to make a move. Confessing to her already felt like the hardest thing. When I thought of holding her hand I thought of my sweaty palm and how rough it is, I was afraid that she'll mind. I was afraid that I'd grab her hand too hard and hurt her because she's really boney. But in the end I realize it wouldn't have worked out anyway. We aren't compatible I guess, too many differences. Yl thinks she still likes me, but I don't dare commit myself again, or to anyone else for that matter. I really don't want to go through the whole pain again in the end. But still I know that I'll have to step out again some day. Just not right now. Anyway Shengda's one lasted quite short, just a couple of months I guess. Then the rest of the guys eventually gathered and everyone else knew about it too. Then suddenly for some reason everyone turned against me and say how are things between me and hx. I was a bit shocked, firstly because I didn't know that everyone had eyes on me and her. Secondly, everyone was spreading it around and getting interested. But I told them off saying there's nothing between me and her and to stop assuming and sprouting rumors. Hmm...maybe it seems that I'm getting a bit close with hx for rumors to start popping up. It might be because I was probing her on the guy she likes. I should keep a more distance away from her from now on. Anyway I give up on trying to find out who's the guy. She just wouldn't budge and I'm tired of it.
Find myself writing too much these days. Or because there are things to write these days. Either way it keeps me away from studying without my mom realizing because it's the only thing that I can do without her finding out.
Well, today's Teacher's day was a bummer. Less than half the class came. And it was a total waste of time, doing all the stupid dancing and stuff, though it was funny to see the teachers dance. I didn't dance, totally not me. The most I did was side step left and right cuz no choice or else people will hit me. Then we went hall for giving out teachers awards. Mr Oh won the most caring teacher award. Zhen Yuan bought a cake for the teachers. Nice of him, actually he's always so nice. And the cake was cute, made like a puppy. Oh and Mdm Low brought her baby along. He was so cute trying to blow out the candle. The whole thing became as if we were celebrating his birthday. I don't know...as the years go by, I find teachers' day to be less and less fun. It all seem so routine and maybe even a bit forced nowadays. I get that kind of vibe from the teachers as well. And I miss my secondary school friends. Long time never see the gang already. Fern called me to meet up but it's so far for me to go and my mom wants me to stay at home. Guess have to wait till after a level to catch up with them. I wonder how are fern, Peter, Joseph and Arun are doing.
Tab is organising class outing after prelim on Friday. But I'm not sure whether I can go cuz I might have tution on that day. But I really want to go out. Want to buy the cap, go swim, play putting at Eugene's house.
31/8
my second voice
- 12:26 PM