I CAN'T PLAY TESTIMONIAL!!! >( Apparently it's been postponed AGAIN to Jan. It's damn fucked up. I was really looking forward to it. I thought I could finally play flanker. Arrrggg, I'm pissed.
Hai...anyway went down for training with the j1s, and I forgot to bring my boots. Brought the wrong boots. Still feel cui, but improving. Mr sufian said I can play the Centaurs match. But it's 10s and there's no flanker position!! But I guess I'll just have to be contempt with it. We played a couple of 10s matches with the seniors. Funny thing was tha there were more seniors than the juniors. Daniel said some of them were sick and the others have work. Anyway, the j1s have much work to do. Their tacklings are a really problem. Like Yee Min said, they're not taking the initiative and being committed to the tackle. I kept telling them, especially Robert, that they always go in with their arms stretched. They're trying to pull down the opponent instead of going in with the shoulders to give a solid tackle. Playing 10s means there are more spaces to run and with this many miss tackles that they're making, they'll just get owned. And they still lack the agression. Ted said they're quite soft.
Anyway, the other day I didn't realize I make tab feel insulted, saying about her faith. I felt so guilty after reading. Well it got me thinking, is religion, or even race, going to be a big issue for my future life? Well I think I'm a free-thinker now. I've been exposed to a few different religions and somehow it just doesn't...how to put it...make me feel like I want to put my believe in any of it. When I was young, I started off as a Buddhist. My mom always relate it with morals to teach me how to be a good person. And of course I didn't question much and just took them in as she said, what would you expect from a small kid who was expected to be guai. We were very close and I guess I even enjoyed all her guidances and teachings. She used to go on and on from one thing to another and I'll just hug her and listen and they sounded interesting. But the problem was that she's still half Burmese. And when she married my dad and came into a chinese family, she had to follow the customs because it was a traditional Chinese family. So there she was teaching me Buddhist but it's a mix of Burmese and Chinese. So we would go to both Burmese and Chinese temples to pray. And it all became sort of mambo jambo, I slowly start to take it as tradition instead of taking it as practicing my belief, because I guess I was lost. There I was praying to different deities without putting my faith in. And when I came to Singapore to study, I lived with a guardian and the family was Christian. They would take us to church and make us join the children service with their own children. I felt very intruded at first and told my dad about it, he said never mind just take it as exposure. And it was quite an exposure. It was totally different from Buddhism. I didn't think that joyful singing was giving hounour and respect. And I thought these people went mad when they started praying in the 'tongue language'. And how do you pray when you don't have a visual image of the god. All these left me very puzzled. But I slowly learnt when I asked my friends about their religions, likewise for Muslim and Hinduism. And I learnt somemore when I went to my secondary school which was a catholic school. There are many type of Christianity, sort of how my Buddhism was like. I don't know how to tell my parents that I don't believe in their faith anymore. I don't dare. I don't know how they would react to it. And in the future would the girl I like, mind about me not having a religion and likewise for her parents. Personally I don't really care about her religion, well maybe except for Muslim. I can't go on for the rest of my life without pork. Would my parents mind too about her different religion? And if somehow we managed to pass this huge barrier through some miracle, when we have kids whose religion are they going to follow? Personally I don't mind if they follow hers. It makes things easier as well since it's easier to teach using religion. Hmm...the more you think about it, the more the things get complicated.
27/11
my second voice
- 3:00 PM