Been a while again since I wrote, too busy with tution homeworks. There were piles of work to be done and I can't even find time to go out much during the one week holiday. Lucky tab arranged it on a Wednesday, my only tution free day, for the badminton outing. It was fun, since it's been a long time since I held a badminton racket. It was surprising that tab had a lot of rackets to lend, it was as if her whole family is into the sport. Anyway, I was a bit out of touch at first but quickly regained my technique. I've always like to play net shots. To me it's more exciting and fun since there's little room for errors and narrow wins. I tried to regain my shots, like the one where the shuttlecock wobbles just over the net or the one where the shuttle crosses almost horizontally to the other side while being very close to the net. I think these kind of shots put a lot of stress on the opponent cuz they can only return a defensive shot and still have to avoid hitting the net if the shuttle is very close. Besides I was playing with girls so this kind of style suits them more since I can't play smashing with them. Makes it a bit more even and fun I guess. But it's risky. It can result in a lot of unforced error, which btw I made a lot. But it's fun to see your opponent getting frustrated in trying return your irritating shots. My thighs were killing me for two days afterwards. Probably cuz of the stretching and squatting. Surprisingly I found out that if I were to squat I can return smashes better. Then after that we went to eat dinner at fish and co. Tab only sat with us for a while cuz she was having dinner at home. Didn't talk much, mostly listened to the ongoing conversation.On the way home things got really awkward. Kf and I happened to take the same bus. When we got on, we didn't even stand next to each other. It was sort of mutual I guess, both of us don't really have anything to say to each other and prefer to have minimal interaction.
Anyway, went to tab's condo to swim last Sunday. Been having this urge to swim and Sunday was the last possible day that I could. Her pool is small but it's big enough for me to practice my fly without drowning. It was funny when she got jealous of me getting a drink made by her mom whereas she didn't get one. I was rubbing it in the whole time. She really got sore about it.
Got back some of my results, just passed gp and math, but got B for Econ. It's really surprising that tab failed gp this time round. Of all people, I guess she's the least likely person. A bit disappointed with my math though. I thought I would do better, paper 2 felt easier but I got lower marks for it than paper 1.
Oh, and Sheng Da and Germaine are apparently back together. He told me they've patched up. He said they had a long and serious talk over it. Haven't got time to really asked him about it. Anyway, I heard some of the ruggers are planning to join and play for club with mr sufian's recommendation after a level. I wish I could do the same but I've to return home. But I think I can play when I come back to take my results. Meanwhile back home, I can train on my fitness. After the results are released, I'll have to wait for the application process for courses so I can work and play rugby like once a week. I'll probably have to get an armour then since I'll be quite puny as compared to most of the guys playing for clubs. Probably be asked to play as backline also. Can't wait for rugby world cup next year. NZ will kick eveyone's ass.
15/9
My prelim results are CEE,B but Lucas told me there's a new grading system where 69-60 is B, 59-55 is C and 50-54 is D. In that case then my results will be BDD,B. But still no difference, the main thing is the chase for that elusive A, which I still don't have. Anyway I really need to get a proper swimming trunks and goggles. I need to keep my tights for rugby. And goggles is a must since I swim for quite a while, my eyes won't be able to take the chlorine in the pool even if it's a condo pool. My new craze now is swimming since I can't play rugby. I think my fly stroke has improved quite a bit. Now I can complete one proper lap. I realized the kicks are more important than the arm strokes. Physically the legs are stronger than the arms so it makes sense when it's always my arms getting tired first. So the legs have to kick harder to compensate for the weaker arm. That way I can last longer. And the dolphin style is the most fundemental and very important. It's the wiggling of your body through the water. It helps you to keep the timing and the flow of the whole stroke. If you can't get the hang of it, you'll never be able to swim fly properly cuz your arms and legs just won't connect. Last Saturday when I went eugene's condo pool, he was trying to get the hang of the dolphin. But he ended up wiggling at the same spot like a fish out of water. Ironic. Maybe I should suggest to him to go learn the body wave, then apply it in the pool. Nowadays at home I keep practicing my arm strokes, swinging my arms around like a retard. That day we were talking about yl. He didn't swim with us because he said he wanted to go buy shoes at queensway. But apparently, he was studying at je library at first, with none other than xj of couse. Heavy colour light friend, haha. I don't know what's up with him, he keeps saying he don't care about girls, only care about himself. But looks like it's all air. Then we talked about li yi. He still can't get over her. It's like one sided affection. Then he questioned me whether I've really gotten over kf. I told him I have. But I was surprised that he didn't know that something happened between jl and her. I thought like everyone knew. At first I also didn't know everyone knew. I kept mum about it to protect her reputation. But then Nwe Nwe told me she knew, hx also knew. Then I started finding out that most of them also knew. Eugene and me share quite a bit of same sentiments. He was saying that maybe it's boys school pattern.
Well today there was a weird encounter with the weird hx. I got bored and tried my luck again with her in finding out the guy. It was sort of casual, I didn't even put in much effort. Then after lecture while walking down the stairs she suddenly asked me whether I'll invite her to my wedding next time. It was so random, just out of the blue she asked me that. I shall not bother myself with it.
19/8
The days in school are getting quite mundane. Especially Fridays. It's get really tiring towards the last lesson which is chem. The thought of it just makes me feel drained. But from the looks of it, things won't be improving. From next week onwards the lessons in school are just going to be tutorials. And they are at least 1.5 hrs. Just have to endure it for a month. Then comes the stress build up. I don't know how some can still be so stress free, like tab. That stupid poop, today tried very hard to convince that she's stressed out by showing her little pimple -.-. I realized I can't study in the afternoon after school. When I reach home I'll just end up checking emails then surf the net a bit to read manga or play bejeweled. Then take a nap till dinner time and start studying only at around 6.30+. And sometimes I stone when I study or play with my phone a bit. I think I'll study in school after lessons from next week onwards. Try to put more hours into revising. With the prelim papers piling up for all the subjects and plus my tution homeworks, think I'll really need those extra hours.
Well, yl has been studying out with xj during the weekends. He obviously still likes her. Maybe things are slowly working out for him. When I asked xj when she broke up with chun chai, whether she see her and yl together in the future. She replied no. I can't bear to tell yl that lest I discourage him. And anyway, you'll never know. As time pass, people and their feelings may change. He might be able to move her heart, who knows.
Today, me Gary, Eugene and yl were having lunch and we continued with our conversation about the bad points about girls in our class. Xj was the starter, which of course yl had to answer for it. But ended up dissolving the whole thing cuz when you like someone, you will become blind about the person and everything about that person is great. Then came kf and it was of course my turn to answer for it. I said she's not frank with me. I still remember on Monday when ms low recalled her jc life, how it was troubled by relationship problems and involved dumping someone. Then Gary started to shoot kf and I felt bad for her. But tab said she kinda deserved it. Well out of the whole thing, after much self-reflection, I've came to terms with it. I don't blame her for everything that has happened. Well, the only thing that I'd blame her is for not being frank with me. Out of this whole drama, she's as much a victim as I am. Feeling guilty over it, people badmouthing about her behind her back, all the awkward situations. Anyways the guys then started to bring out all my loser points, like how I never asked her out or held her. They tried to rub it in by saying that even Jian lin held before. Speaking of who, when I went on facebook to play bejeweled the first comment I saw was Jian lin's hinting that he still wants to be with kf, which btw was quite an obvious hint. Can't say that I was surprised but I just think he's just ruining his life. Now is really not the time for this, for both parties, and both their prelim results are not that good to begin with. I think jl has lost his rational senses. The way things are going and with his attitude, there's a high chance that he won't make it this year. Kf's no better, I think she failed almost all her subjects. Hmm...come to think of it, if they were to repeat next year, there might be a high chance for them to reunite? Well I can't repeat, my dad l would kill me before I do. I also can't wait to move on with my life. This 2 years of jc life was quite messed up. It would have been worse without my close friends and rugby.
Tomorrow going swimming at eugene's house again. My body is still aching from the pull ups I did. Butterfly!!!
24/9
Going to full gear mugger mode now. Deleted all my games on my phone. No more swimming, no more com, no more slacking. Probably will stop writing too, so this might just be the last entry till after a level. I got really irritated with hx today. In the morning she disturbed me while I was doing math paper. I was measuring the scales for the argand diagram and marked my compass for the radius needed for the circle. Then I left the compass calipers open and went on to draw the scales. That stupid hx closed the compass. I was pissed. It's frigging annoying. Then she just giggled. Maybe she's trying to act cute or thinks is funny. But it's not!!! And the fact that I was doing math paper was already frustrating enough. Anyway, I calmed myself and didn't let loose. Seriously, she's been getting more irritating nowadays. Like she keep trying draw stupid turtles on my papers and play around with my stationary or waste them. After the photo taking at the pe porch, we went up to the class to do a bit of work cuz apparently there's no pe. Speaking of which the girls ke kiang and stood behind during the photo taking. Not saying that I'm tall but, when the guys sat in front I think it'll just make the girls look shorter. Imagine people like Jian lin and Xiao Liang already reaching about kf's height even when sitting down. Anyway in the class, when I was settling down, that hx commented on my white hair and tried to pull it. That's when I lost it. I told her off to stop irritating me and that she's getting very irritating nowadays. I didn't shout at her. It was just a little raise in the volume. After I let off a bit of steam, everything just returned to normal till Gary came to me during break and started praising me that I did well to tell her off. I didn't even give it a second thought about it after it happened until after Gary mentioned it. Apparently, he witnessed the whole thing. He said after I told her off, she made that awkward face and luckily things weren't so bad cuz Xiao Liang tried to shoot me when I told her off. Then I thought back and felt bad about it cuz maybe I went a bit overboard. But Gary said I did the right thing and didn't went overboard at all. Then the guys tried to be cheeky and said maybe she's trying to attract my attention or trying to flirt with me. I was like who in the hell flirt by pulling white hair?!?! But I still feel bad. I may have overreacted a bit. I, myself, might be irritating to her sometimes, like I used to pester her to tell me the guy she like, so it wasn't really fair on my part perhaps? Anyway, I shall talk to her tomorrow and dissolve the whole thing and stop myself from dwelling on it.
Had a nice surprise today, Fern texted me. It was a bit random but we managed to exchange a few text. We were asking each other about the prelim results. And he was still sore about losing to me during o level, saying things like this time he won't lose to me. I miss my st.gab's friends. Well actually just the close bunch of them really. The rest in my class are mostly just a bunch of overly kia su, snotty bunch of muggers. Well there are a few that are generally nice but not really close with them. He's like Zhen yuan minus the genius brain. He's overly nice that he gets bullied by his own younger sister. In his eyes maybe it's just older brother's love for younger sister? I wonder if he's still the old fern. Gosh, must really catch up with the guys after a level.
I added my primary school friend Caiyi on facebook. She added me first so I just accepted. Then I just left a comment on her wall asking like how are things. In fact those primary school friends that I have in my friends list, we never contact at all, well maybe other than Esther but I think this year we didn't even talk once. We've lost contact for so long that we're just as good as strangers. I just feel sad about the situation, that we just drift away and become 'hi, bye' friends. Also in school there are those acquaintances whom I barely know other than their names. When we meet along the walkway, we're suppose to greet each other, maybe just out of politeness. I find it a bother and feel awkward because I barely know the person in the first. I just don't like to act all friendly to people whom I barely know. Maybe I'm being antisocial or unfriendly but I really don't see the point in it. I don't know, I take quite a while to warm up to people and there must be a certain bond established before I can be comfortable with that person. I guess I behave this way, sort of hesitant to make friends, because I've experienced many drifted-away-friendships since when I was a kid. I studied in two different primary schools, which means I had to replace my first ever group of Singaporean friends with my new primary school friends. Then in secondary school I moved to another part of Singapore. I was alone again in a new environment and lost contact with all my new primary school friends. And they are replaced by a whole new group of secondary school friends. By then I think I've became numb and used to having friends that come and go I guess. Then now in jc, I moved from serangoon back to jurong and hardly contact my secondary school friends. The whole cycle repeat itself. Alone again in a new environment. I guess it became too much and I broke down during the orientation camp. People make fun of me about it but I guess they won't understand because they never experienced this kind of situation before and they'll never understand cuz I'm not going to explain myself. Since they're already so insensitive to laugh at it, no point wasting my breath and energy. Only Jaystine trys to defend me, she's a retainee so she probably knows a bit of how it feels. I think it's sort of a reaction from past experience to the way I make friends, sort of conditioned perhaps? Because the less friends I make, the less friendships get drifted away that way. And honestly I think it might be good. I rather have a few really close friends than a whole lot of 'hi, bye' friends.
Speaking of friendships, me and jl talked a bit at night. He was saying he's going to pon school. He was being melancholic about the jc life ending and not seeing each other again. But actually it was more about the kf problem. Seems like he still can't get over her, or maybe he doesn't want to. He told me he asked her to be together many times and got rejected everytime. If only he was that persistent in his studies. Well, I can't help him in that department. It's something that he'll just have to figure it out himself cuz no one can make him come to his senses and see the big picture other than himself.
Well, that's it for now. From now till after a level, must study hard already. Not much time left. Till then I shall keep my heart and mind vacant only for studies.
4/10
my second voice
- 6:36 PM